Funny retirement messages and wishes: People work so hard throughout their lives whether it is doing business or in formal employment but no matter how hard one works there comes a day when all this stops and it is time to hang up the rods and take a break. Retirement is the beginning of a new life and it can cause anxiety as people step into the unknown future.


Human beings are creatures of habit and when the habit is not there we tend to feel lost. When friends and family are retiring you can make things lighter for them by sharing messages that will cause them to smile and face the days to come without fear. Take time to send messages that will make your friends, family and colleagues have a good laugh. That will lighten the mood and up lift them, and they will know that they are not alone and can face the days to come with courage.

  • Let us just be honest enough to say that you retired a long time ago and this is just mere formality. Enjoy the formal retirement that you are entering into, and may you finally find something to do that you can call work. Happy retirement.


  • Can you believe that finally from now on all days on your calendar are marked as Sunday? Enjoy them and may you always have a smile on your face. Happy retirement.
  • What I wish for you as you retire is good health. May you be heart attack free as you grow fat just lazing around. Have a good retirement.
  • In case you did not know, retirement is a conspiracy of the powers that be because they are tired of paying you a salary for being busy doing nothing, and they do not want to continue spending money on giving you medical benefits that you never use anyway. Now you can finally do what you have been so good at all these years, being busy, busy doing absolutely nothing. Happy retirement to you.


  • I think you are just being polite in saying that you will miss us. What I think you mean is that you will miss the free coffee and tea, you will miss the free stationery and most of all you will miss being a bother to all of us. Happy retirement to you.
  • Isn’t it strange how we spend years and years dreaming of the day we shall retire and when it finally comes we begin to think of ways to stay on at work. Well you can now rejoice that your dreams have come true and retirement is here for you. Happy retirement.
  • May you enjoy your real retirement years just the way you enjoyed your retirement from the day you began working here. You have mastered the art of retirement and I can assure you that it looks good on you. Happy retirement.


  • As I see it you have been practicing how to retire and now the real thing is here. You are so good at it that there should be no problem taking up your new role. Have a happy retirement.
  • You can be sure that your immediate junior only pretends that they will miss you when you retire. Do not be fooled by that sad face. This person is so busy counting the minutes until they can take over your office space that they wish you had even left earlier. Enjoy your retirement anyway.
  • If you truly want to know if you will be missed when you retire try telling people that the retirement has been postponed and you will be coming back to work. I bet you can hear a pin drop. Yap! Now you know. Have a happy retirement.


  • Now it is your turn to be shown the door. Retirement is a polite way of saying you are past your due date and you need to get out. Happy retirement.
  • Happy retirement and my advice is that you do not try to say that you are coming back because you will be surprised at people’s reactions. No one will give back your office, nor your parking space. No one misses you that much.
  • Consider retirement as Christmas but without Santa and all the trimmings. It is the season to be jolly until reality steps in and you find yourself with too much time on your hands with too little to do other than sleep and eat. Happy retirement.


  • Happy retirement to you. I wish to advice you not to try and cram too many activities into a short span of time. You have no deadlines to beat, no bosses to impress and no customers to satisfy so take your time and just relax.
  • It is interesting to note that when people are giving you retirement gifts there is always a watch or a clock as if to tell you that your time is up. Have a time free retirement.
  • Happy retirement. Be wary of the sad faces of those who say they will miss you. They will probably miss the free lunches you bought them, the free doughnuts you brought to work once in a while and maybe the free rides they got from you to and from work.


  • This is a special retirement notice to all retirees. We will be holding a pageant after one year of retirement just to see what you look like then. I can bet my last dollar that most will have put on weight, grown balder and will be wishing they could come back to work. Enjoy your retirement till then.
  • If I was to ask all of you retirees what you would miss most about work many would lie that you would miss colleagues and the work itself. The truth is that you will miss being paid for trying to look very busy when you were actually doing minimal work. So the best thing is to send you all home. Enjoy your work free retirement.
  • Go on home and enjoy your retirement for you are not indispensable. If you want to know that what I speak is the truth try to come back and reclaim your coffee mug, desk or office or parking space the day after you retire and see what happens. Happy retirement.


  • Have a happy retirement and try not to take life too seriously. After all for all the years that you were working you took things easy. Why should you change now?
  • Believe me if there was a Santa for retirement no one would get any gifts, all have been bad and he would have been counting. Just be honest and admit that during all your working years you cheated on your job. A little time stolen here and there, those early long lunches, card games played on the computer when you should have been working and imaginary monetary claims in many cases. Still want to deny that you are a cheat? Anyway just enjoy your retirement and we wish you well.
  • Happy retirement, believe me I am glad to see you go. I have dibs on your office and parking space and the moment you are out I am taking over. Oh and your coffee mug too.


  • Happy retirement. You should have retired when you were still young because then you had the strength to do much more. Now all you will be doing is sleeping, eating and walking the dog if you have one. No more strength for any meaningful work.
  • I say that if someone gives you a watch or clock as a retirement gift then you should give it right back. You do not need to keep time since you now have all the time in the world. Unless they are giving you a countdown watch so that you begin to count the hours to the time when you will be retiring out of life too. Have a time conscious free retirement.
  • You are long past your due date and it is time for you to join the junk yard of retirees. Don’t worry, every once in a while someone finds treasure in a junk yard and who knows, it may just be you. Have a happy retirement.


About Annako 189 Articles
Hello, I’m Annako – a travel nerd, web buff wannabe, passionate blogger next door and a coffee addict. Writing is my passion so I write about anything. Enjoy!